AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!

Yes, that was indeed the virtual version of a scream. I would like to scream sometimes. I think it could be very therapeutic. Somebody should research "The Benefits of Screaming on a Regular Basis"...if they haven't done that already. If they have then somebody send me a link to the story, I think it would be very interesting to read.

Now, on to reasons for screaming. There can be many, such as:

1. Something of great value to you has been destroyed.

2. You were robbed.

3. Countless personal problems.

4. Facebook

And the list can go on and on and on and on and on.....you get the point.

But none of these are what I would like to scream about at the moment. No, at the moment I would like to scream about people who claim to be Christians but still do not reflect Christ.

Now before I start pointing fingers at others allow me to first degrade myself, for as I have said before, I am nothing but a worthless wretch who deserves nothing less than Hell and probably more. But thank God that He, in His perfect will, with His perfect grace and mercy, saved me from the depths of sin. I am probably the most hypocritical of the hypocrites, and if I died right now and God condemned me to Hell for eternity, I would be thankful that He even found me worthy enough to be judged.

With that being said, allow me to continue my original rant.

This past week, while in contact with so many students and people my age at the Student Life Camp which was held at Liberty University, I noticed a very common thought process among the people there. I had been noticing this process before, but when it is seen on a much larger scale, it is a lot easier to identify.

That process was basically this, "I said a prayer and I do good enough, why should God care if I have a little fun for myself? He wants me to be happy anyway right?"

This was not the only thought process there, but this one and different variations of it was by far the largest one.

(Sidenote: I say these things with all due respect to the staff at Student Life. They are all very passionate about Jesus and very sound in their faith and doctrinal beliefs. I was thoroughly impressed with them...not so impressed with Liberty though.)

But I am getting ahead of myself. Allow me to recap the week, starting on Sunday morning.

On Sunday morning we were already in Lynchburg, and, since it was Sunday, our youth pastor decided to take us to a local church. And what local church in Lynchburg, Virginia, could be better than Thomas Road Baptist Church?

So we went to church at the fourteenth largest church in America, and I was not impressed.

Before I go any further allow me to say that I have no problem whatsoever with "megachurches" as long as they are being biblical in everything they do. In my opinion, the more Christians that are congregated in one spot praising the Lord the better, but more often than not "megachuches" are mega because they aren't church.

As soon as you walk into Thomas Road Baptist Church there is a huge foyer with a welcome booth, a place to buy books, and a giant iPod that serves as a sign to point you where to go. (I think there may have also been a coffee shop, I did not pay that much attention.) Immediately upon seeing these things my mind reflected back to Matt. 12:13, "He said to them, 'It is written, "My house shall be called a house of prayer," but you make it a den of robbers.'"

But I stowed this thought away in the back of my mind for the moment being as we entered into the "sanctuary."

Since attending this church was a spur of the moment decision, we were all dressed in blue jeans and T-shirts. This led to some very unfriendly greetings from the ushers in their expensive suits, even though the TRBC website encourages people to attend in whatever clothes they wish.

So far this church had two strikes with me, but I was willing to bear with it throughout the service...especially since I had nowhere else to go and no way to get there. Also, it was nice to be in a church on Sunday morning, even if the church was not as admirable as one would like. So we sat in the second row and soon the concert began.

As far as loud contemporary music in a worship service goes, I haven't studied the topic enough to formulate a valid opinion yet. Right now, as it stands for me, I do not care what music you have as long as you are worshipping God with it. So I watched the lyrics of the songs come up on the screen and discerned if they were at least worshipful, and for the most part they were. Of course, as a Calvinist, there were some lines I disagreed with that speak of free will and such, but these things were to be expected.

Impressively enough though, I did find that, as the band played some songs I knew, I could worship with them. I was not trying to be hostile to TRBC. I really did want to give them a valid chance, and I really hoped that they would be a great biblical church on fire for God.

But alas, it was not so.

When the singing was over, Rev. Jonathan Falwell stood to speak on the subject of stewardship.

As I listened, I heard all of the things I grew up hearing. God wants you to do this and you should do that and look what our church can do if you would just do this, etc. etc. and I was disappointed.

I don't think that I once heard the name of Jesus outside of a worship song, and the only time God was admirably mentioned was once at the end of the sermon when Reverend Falwell said we should "do all these things for the glory of God," but he said it as an "Oh by the way" type thing.

So in a quick recap the sermon was, law law law law law oh by the way do it for God's glory.

After the sermon we left the "sanctuary" and went back to our van to continue the rest of our trip.

Later on that day we would begin our work at Student Life, and, as I previously mentioned, I was very impressed with the staff, band, and speaker there. They were all biblically sound, and obviously in love with Jesus and God's Word. I would love to find a group of people such as them to hang around with for the rest of my life, but this leads into my original reason for wanting to scream.

For the most part, there are no people my age who want to have anything to do with God. Most of them only see God as a card to get them out of trouble. Thus leading to the previously mentioned mentality which I have observed.

I do believe that, as the true gospel of Christ was preached throughout the week, God saved many of His chosen.

But I also know that there were many there that would have none of it.

And so my heart is in turmoil. I rejoice for those who are saved, mourn for those who would not hear, and am angered and saddened by those who say they know Christ but clearly don't.

I guess the whole point of this post is to say that the church is not the church anymore. We have megachurches teaching all law and no gospel. We have the next generation, my generation, either believing that God does not exist, or that He is their personal butler. And we have no discernment to know that we are wrong.

So having observed this I also know I can't just sit on the sidelines, but what am I to do?

For now, I will start where I am, and I will take the gospel to people wherever I go. May God use me, not for my benefit, but for His glory. May I be a light to my generation, and may God save many by using me as His vessel. Not that I deserve it by any means, but because it is pleasing to Him.

This is my desire. This is my passion.

Preparations For A Sermon

*This is kind of how I see the sermon going in my head. Everything is definitely subject to change. This is by no means the entire sermon...just the introduction. Enjoy!




We always hit around it. We say, “I read my Bible, I go to church, I pray...” and what we don’t realize is that the Pharisees did all of those things too. But the Bible says in Matt. 5:20 that unless our righteousness exceeds that af the Pharisees then we will not “enter the kingdom of heaven.”

Think about it, if you are just reading your Bible, praying, and going to church you are doing the exact same thing that the muslims, hindus, and Pharisees do. They all go to their churches, read their “holy books” (or Bibles in our case), and pray to their gods.
So you may ask, “What is the difference?” or, “So what am I supposed to do then?” and this is where the glory of the gospel comes into play.

SO WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE?

The difference is huge. The difference is that God, the real one and only true God, has the desire to save His people. But what we must understand is that He is not saving His people for His people’s sake. Rather He saves His people for the sake of His name. A good example of this is seen in 1 John 2:12 which says, “…your sins are forgiven for His name's sake.” The fact that people either don’t seem to notice or try to avoid is that there is nothing special about you. There is none good in you. God did not choose to save you because you are a good person, or because you will be a good person. God chooses to save people so that He may display His almighty power to us all. Not only His power though, but also His grace and His love and His mercy.

THEN WHAT DO I DO?

This question is answered differently depending on the way it is asked. If someone asks this question but means, “How can I save myself?” then the answer is there is absolutely nothing you can do. You can not save yourself. Your works will not save you. Your church will not save you. Reading your Bible will not save you. Praying a sinner’s prayer and announcing to the church that you are now saved WILL NOT SAVE YOU!

But for some reason we think it can. For some ungodly reason we think that since we just walk around saying that we are Christians then we are truly Christians, but that is just not true.

Now you may ask me, “But doesn’t the Bible say that if we confess with our mouths that Jesus is Lord then we will be saved?” And the answer to that question is yes, but that is not all that it says. It goes on to say that you must believe with your heart that the father raised him from the dead. There is much more depth to that then just saying, “Oh yeah God raised Jesus from the dead, I believe in Jesus.” And then going to do all the sinful acts that your heart desires. If you are truly saved you will be a changed creature. Sinful things will not be a desire to you. Will you sin? Yes, every day, but by the grace of God you will repent and be forgiven, this leads into the second way that the question, “What do I do?” can be asked.
The second way of asking this question is to have the meaning, “What must be done on my behalf to receive the Father’s grace?”

The first thing you must do is see yourself for who you really are. Romans says there are none good. Isaiah say that your righteousness is as filthy rags. The book of Leviticus lays downs God’s law that we must follow if we desire to be perfect and reach heaven ourselves, but I guarantee you as soon as we were born we broke that law in some way.

You have to understand that you are the epitome of evil. That there is no good in you now, and that there will never be any good in you. But don’t just tell yourself this, you have to see this. You have to feel this. You have to believe this.

Then, when you feel how horrible you are and the weight of your sin, compare yourself to the light of Christ and see how deserving you are of being sentenced to hell. You deserve nothing less than hell, as a matter of fact if such a thing existed, we would all deserve a punishment worse than hell.

After seeing your filth and feeling your condemnation then turn to the Lord, see the love in His eyes. Feel His mercy and His grace, and throw yourself upon Him. Beg His forgiveness, repent of your sins, turn from them, sin no more. Cast yourself on Jesus and His mercy, and He will be faithful to forgive you and to save you, but, once again He is not saving you for you. He is saving you for His name’s sake.

*Once again I stress that this is just a beginning thought for an intro, there are many more things that I wish to stress and many more things that I wish to explain more fully. For now though I just wanted to give you a glimpse into my thought process. I hope you enjoyed it.

Your Best Day Now

In this fictional story, our character follows the teachings of one Joe Ostine. I hope you find the story entertaining.

I awoke on this beautiful Saturday morning eager to know how God was going to bless me today. I opened up Joe's newest book which I keep on my nightstand and read the final chapter yet again. (It is a goal of mine to read the same book as much as I can before the next one comes out. Joe always says we need to set goals and fulfill them, and I would not want to disappoint Joe.)

After finishing my morning reading I felt invigorated, I went into the bathroom to take a shower and brush my teeth and the like.

Since I am a good Christian and would like for God to bless me througout the day, I try to follow Joe's advice as much as I possibly can. So when I finish my morning shower and when I am done with the normal routine I look at myself in the mirror and tell myself, "You are going to be victorious! You have royal blood flowing through your veins! Things will go your way for you are a child of the most high God!"

Feeling invigorated yet again, I went into the kitchen to prepare myself breakfast. Since Joe says that God only wants us to have the best, I planned to prepare myself a wonderful omlet, my favorite of all breakfast foods.

But, alas, I was dismayed when I found that I had run out of eggs from preparing myself an omlet every morning prior since the day I began listening to Joe.

It was ok though, I was still in control of this situation, I searched the kitchen and stumbled across some bills of mine which I had not yet paid.

Suddenly, I was briefly discouraged, I had not yet received the wealth of which Joe had promised me to repay these bills yet, and so many other things that were wrong began to flood my mind.

My father was ill, I was becoming incompetent at work for trying to keep my goal of re-reading Joe's newest book, my yard needed serious work, as did my house, and I had no money....or eggs.

I was becoming discontent with God, "Why have you not blessed me?!?!" I screamed toward the ceiling. "Joe says you will bless your children with health and wealth and that our lives will be easy from now on!!!" once more this was shouted at the ceiling.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. It was a rather loud knock and seemed to be very urgent, for the man knocking knocked quite more than one would usually knock at a door. I thought, "This could be a man offering me a job, or giving me money! I can see my sick father now, or buy myself some eggs!"

I opened the door eagerly after the knocking had ceased, but much to my dismay there was nobody there. The only evidence of the mysterious knock was a paper that had been nailed to my door.

It read, in big bold letters: FORECLOSURE

This could not be! God would never do something like this to me! Joe said that I would have abundant wealth!

I began to panic.

Desperately trying to piece together how it all went wrong, I went back to my mirror to give myself yet another pep-talk. "YOU will be victorious!" I said. "YOU are in control so YOU can get through this!"

After my talk with myself, I went back to Joe's book and began reading it again, for the fifteenth time. I came across an area which said that if I was optimistic, then things would fall into place for me. Because, who doesn't like an optimistic person?

So I began working on becoming a better me by striving to be optimistic, even now in this terrible time for me. After all, God, (Joe says) does not want us to ever be sad.

Through my window I saw that it was a lovely day outside, so I decided to go to the park. "Better yet," I thought. "I will walk there. All four miles, God would be pleased with me more if I exercised and felt better about myself."

So I began my walk, and successfully reached the park. But when I was just sitting down and starting to relax, clouds swarmed the sky overhead and a heavy rain began to fall. I could not walk back the four miles to my house in this weather, so I determined that I would venture into the nearby bookstore.

I found Joe's book which I had been reading at the house, sat down with it and began to read where I had left off.

Everything which I had planned for myself today had gone awry, and I was beginning to feel as if I wasn't in control after all. I mean, how could I control the weather?

I searched Joe's book for answers, but alas could find none.

I read the entire book again before the rain started to let up enough for me to walk home, by this time it was late afternoon. I had purchased lunch at the bookstore coffee shop.

Today had not gone as I had planned, but I stayed optimistic. I would go to church in the morning and hear what Joe had to say. Maybe things would go better for me on Sunday.

Because, after all, Joe says that I am a "total victor."

Maybe I Am Mistaken

I do not do this often....as a matter of fact I have never done this before until today, and I seriously doubt that I will ever do it again. But today, just to see if I could stand it, I looked up a Joel Osteen clip on Youtube.

The clip was five minutes long....I got through two of those minutes before I turned it off.

However, as angered as I was to see a "Christian" leader twist the Bible into something it was never meant to be, I was more angered when I saw the first comment under the video which was:

"I'm a Muslim but i still listen and watch joel osteen on t.v. and youtube! he is so very inspirational!! and when you look at the core and foundation of both islam and christianity, you can find many things to be similar. love it"

Maybe I am mistaken, but I always thought that Christian preaching was about showing the gospel to all peoples no matter how offensive to them it may be, not making sure that all peoples are not offended by what the gospel says. I thought Christian preaching was supposed to speak of the beauty, worth, wrath, love, perfection, and all of the other many glorious attributes of Christ as shown through the Bible, and I also thought that Christian preaching was about showing how unworthy we are to have even heard of His holy being, much less to receive His wonderful grace and mercy.

I thought, as Christians, we were supposed to preach the Word so that our Savior may call His elect to Himself, not that He needs us, but because He commanded us to do so. For " How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching?" (Rom. 10:14) I had no idea that Christianity was about giving "sermons" that all religions can relate to.

I thought Christianity was about Christ.


Instead we have so many "Christian" preachers and teachers teaching "tolerance" to be a necessity to love. This concept seems so strange to me

It seems like the big three things that we "must tolerate" in order to display "love" is abortion, homosexuality, and false gospels/religions. But I thought that true love would try to abolish these evils rather than encourage them.

It seems to me that true love would try to rescue these people from theses things that will destroy them. It seems to me that true love would try to show Christ to these people so that He may perform a miraculous act in them in the same way as He has performed such an act in me and in many others.

Not because we deserved it. Not because we earned it. But because He is holy, He is righteous, and for some unfathomable reason He chose to love us.

Do not misunderstand me, I am not saying I am better than these people. I am not trying to point my finger at them and condemn them for being evil while raising myself up above them. If anything I am lower than they are. I, as Paul said, am the chief of sinners. I am flawed. I am not perfect by any means and do not claim to be, but by God's wonderful grace I am saved.

I am nothing, but Christ is everything. I try my best to display Him.

Do I succeed?

I would say no, or not as much as I would like at least. Like I said I am human and I am flawed, but I am striving. I want to fight the good fight. I want to run the race with endurance. I want to persevere in the faith.

All of the earlier mentioned observations are purely observations. By observing I am by no means trying to exalt myself, but rather I am trying to exalt Christ, and I hope and believe I have done so.

Maybe I am mistaken, but I do not think I am.

Truth

Just leaves me with the question, why are we still pursuing the "American Dream"?

Excerpt From Spurgeon

(The following is an excerpt from Charles Spurgeon's autobiography. It is something that I have thought about for awhile, but I would have never been able to write it more wonderfully than Spurgeon has here.)



There was a day, as I took my walks abroad, when I came hard by a spot forever engraved upon my memory, for there I saw this friend, my best, my only friend, murdered. I stooped down in sad affright and looked at Him. I saw that His hands had been pierced with rough iron nails, and His feet had been rent in the same way. There was misery in HIs dead countenance so terrible that I scarcely dared to look upon it. His body was emaciated with hunger, His back was red with bloody scourges, and His brow had a circle of wounds about it. Clearly could one see that these had been pierced by thorns. I shuddered, for I had known this friend full well. He never had a fault; He was the purest of the pure, the holiest of the holy. Who could have injured Him? For He never injured any man. All His life long He went about doing good. He had healed the sick, He has fed the hungry, He had raised the dead. For which of these works did they kill Him? He had never breathed out anything but love, and as I looked into the poor sorrowful face, so full of agony and yet so full of love, I wondered within myself, "Where can these traitors live? Who are these that could have smitten such a One as this?" Had they murdered an opressor, we might have forgiven them; had the slain one who had indulged in vice or villainy, it might have been his desert; had it been a murderer and a rebel, or one who had committed sedition, we would have said, "Bury his corpse; justice has at last given him his due." But when you were slain, my best, my only beloved, where lodged the traitors? Let me seize them, and the shall be put to death. If there be torments that I can devise, surely they shall endure them all. Oh, what jealousy, what revenge I felt! If I might but find these murderers, what would I not do with them! And as I looked upon that corpse, I heard a footstep and wondered where it was. I listened, and I clearly perceived that the murderer was close at hand, It was dark, and I groped about to find him. I found that, somehow or other, wherever I put out my hand, I could not meet with him, for he was nearer to me than my hand would go. At last I put my hand upon my breast. "I have you now," said I. For lo! He was in my own heart; the murderer was hiding within my own bosom, Dwelling in the recesses of my inmost soul. Ah! Then I wept indeed, that I, in the very presence of my murdered Master, should be harboring the murderer, and I felt myself most guilty while I bowed over His corpse and sang that plaintive hymn:

'Twas you, my sins, my cruel sins,
His chief tormentors were;
Each of my crimes became a nail,
And unbelief the spear.

- Charles H. Spurgeon

Appearance of Stone but a Heart of Flesh

Is the lack of emotions a sin? Or is it a sign of not having the love of Christ?

I would like to think, and hope that it is neither a sin or a sign, but rather just part of who I am. I mean, just because I am not possessed to cry when I read a deep scripture or here a convincting message that punches me in the gut does not mean that I am not move dby that scripture or message. I just don't hardly ever feel tears coming when I hear these things.

Don't get me wrong. I understand that brokenness is a very appropriate response to sin, but I do believe you can be broken and not cry. I believe this because I have been broken time and time again and have not shed a tear. I trembled at the thought of the wrath of God, and I rejoiced in the thought of His love and forgiveness.....

but I did not cry.

Does this make me stone-hearted?

I do not think so.

My heart aches for the lost, and I am saddened at the sin in this world. I am angered when God's word is misquoted, and when horrible and evil deeds of satan are done in general but especially in His holy name. I love my family and friends. I am learning to love my enemies.

But I don't cry.

I question this because it seems that crying is seen as a sign of brokenness, and brokenness is a sign of salvation. So if I never cry, does it mean I am never broken?

Once again, I do not think so because I have experienced brokenness. I continue to experience it.

So, I ask again, can you be broken without being emotional on the outside?

Is your heart still a heart of flesh? Or is it personal deception? I've prayed for the answer and so far it seems perfectly ok to me to not cry. Yes, grieve...but not necessarily cry.

These are just my thoughts though, and I am a flawed man.

I was reading my twitter feed...

...and I came across a tweet from Ligonier ministries. The tweet linked to a blog post which was written by R.C. Sproul, Jr. and was discussing whether Christians should use facebook or not. So, being a Christian who does use facebook, I was naturally curious.

Mr. Sproul layed out some very good points as to how we should check our facebook use, but some of the points seemed to be a bit farfetched. Such as making sure that you understand that facebook is not real and that you do not really have "200 friends."

That, to me, was kind of a duh statement.

Then he was discussing our jealousy over other facebook users...fame, for a lack of a better word. He asks if we are jealous if other users get more "likes" and comments then we do.

To respond to this question I have to ask if there is anybody out there like that?

And if so do they claim to be Christian?

I am sorry but if your selfishness, and jealousy has risen to a level that when you get on a virtual site with people you have possibly never met and are jealous of these people because they are receiving more virtual actions (that in the end mean absolutely nothing) than you are....something is horribly wrong. And you definitely shouldn't be on facebook, you should be reading a Bible.

I actually found the absurdity humorous until I realized that there probably really is a bunch of people who are that way...then I just found the concept sad.

But that is my two cents worth. The post had other points that actually could apply to me that I have already been keeping myself in check about, and it also had some other absurd notions that are probably all too real. But this is all I will discuss for now.

Why I Want To Get Away

So...do many kids actually go off to college to "further their education"? Or is that all one big ruse? Because I personally do not plan to attend college just so I can further my education.

That is actually a very small thought in my mind at this point in time.

Now don't get me wrong, it is not like I am going to skip my classes or not do my best in them, but learning is just not my main motivation to go to college. My main motivation to go to college would have to be just moving out.

Getting away.

Leaving.

Etc.

However, if I just say to the people around me, "Hey I know you all love me and want me around here to be your son/brother/grandson/friend/(any other) but I am just going to leave." Then I will just come across as a selfish and heartless jerk.

So please allow me to attempt to explain why I want to get away.

Now if you expect me to be all Disneyesque here and think I will say something like, "I really don't want to leave, my life is so perfect but I never realized it until now. I am going to return home and live with my wonderful family forever!!!" then you have no idea who I am.

Allow me to be blunt about it.

I was raised in a broken home by broken people. However, when people are broken they refuse to admit they are broken if they hold a secular view of life as all three of my parents did. Therefore, if anything reflected their brokenness, then they would automatically see it as a threat to the "perfect world" which they had created in their heads, and would move very swiftly to fix this broken piece.

But if you are broken you can't fix anything. It just ends up being swept under the rug.

Now, the child reflects the parent, and the parents were broken and in denial. So the child unknowingly and unashamedly displayed that brokenness to the world. This led to the performing of many unnecessary actions against said child so that the parents coud sweep their failure under the rug.

Because, you know, it was all about them.

I was, and still am, that child...well one of two children in that scenario.

So with that being said, I found the Disney mentality repulsive and false from very early on in my life, and happiness was something I faked. Because if you look happy no one will know that your family is broken and everyone will think that your parents are "such great people."

Because, you know, it was all about them.

So lets just say I am tired of faking. I am tired of wishing that I could just be bold enough to not pretend that everything is great all of the time. I don't want things to be about me by any means...I want them to be about God and His kingdom, but I can't be a lighthouse if I am swept under a rug.

I want to get away, not to break people's hearts, not to pretend that things will be easier and better on my own, and not so I can be happy. I want to get away so I can stop this charade and drop this facade and finally be able to scream that everything is not alright! That the world is broken and so is everybody in it. That brokenness is a proper response to sin. And that sweeping it under the rug is the equivalent of pretending you are perfect, which is pride, which is what got satan kicked out of heaven,

No everything is not alright, and the sooner we learn that the sooner we see our depravity and the sweeter Jesus is to us.

I know I should be doing that now regardless of my situation in life, and I know that I will be persecuted wherever I go, and I am not afraid of that.

I am not afraid of my parents.

But it seems, to me, that they need to hear these yells first, and most often. And they can't sweep me under the rug if I am not there.

That is why I want to get away...because I love them.

Not that I have any readers left...

...but I am actually going to try to take a crack at this blogging thing yet again. I am starting to learn that blog posts don't have to be long or extremely interesting, but rather they can be somewhat short and mildly interesting and people will read them. I am also learning they don't all have to possess some deep thought. Plus the blog does not have to have a constant theme. With all of this being said, if I can keep up this blog, then it will possibly be quite a random blog.

But its mine so I can do what I want to with it.

Until next time, if there is one, I am out.