To Those Who Care To Read

I have a friend who accidently shot himself.

"The most painful thing that I ever experienced." he said.

I accidently stabbed myself opening a paintball gun with a pocket knife once.

"Scariest thing that will ever happen to me." I said.

How wrong I was.

How wrong my friend is.

The scariest and by far the most painful feeling on earth is loneliness.

Why do I say this now?

Why do I feel so lonely?

It might have something to do with the fact that I'm the only one awake in this household at the moment.

I would love to believe that that was it. That that simple thing is the whole reason I feel the way I do now.

Yet, although I know that its not, in a sense it is. If it wasn't for the fact that I'm sitting here alone I never would have thought about my loneliness.

Why do you think I even started this blog?

I wanted to fit in somwhere outside of my family.

I wanted to express myself, my true self, and be understood by someone outside of my family.

And it worked....well, a little bit at least.

But no longer.

The feeling has returned.

Why?

The answer is quite simple now that I think about it.

I no longer fit in.

My "friends" have clicks with people I'll never be, nor have any interest in becoming.

I am a thinking being and a logical one.

When some say, "This will be fun." I say, "This is a stupid idea."

When some say, "I look cool." I say, "Put your hat on the way its meant to be worn and wear a belt you stupid idiot."

Obviously I'm not "cool", nor do I care to be.

My friends weren't either at one point in time, but as the years went by that changed.

And so here I sit wondering if there is anyone around my age who cares to listen, who isn't and doesn't want to be "cool", who strives to be the best person they can be at all times, and doesn't
care what others think about them.

If I were to meet such a person then I'm sure the loneliness will go away, but considering the attitude of the people of my generation thats never going to happen.

Don't get me wrong, I love my family and I know they love me, and no I don't feel lonely around them. But they're not always around and at those points in time they really can't help.

Sorry for boring you with my problems and thanks for reading. I promise another lighter story of my life is coming...eventually.