Football for Dummies

Football season's coming up.

I've been waiting for this since football season ended. Don't ask me why, it's just a thing. After watching a ton of the NFL channel and listening to some of NFL's greatest sports analysts, I realize I'm not very good. But I know what I can do to get better. To the NFL channel, Thank You.

So this year our goal is to actually win the state championship, instead of coming in second, which we did in football and in baseball last year. And we will be first even though our quarterback left. We never had a passing game, anyway.

But, that's a different story.

The problem is going to be finding someone who can actually hand off the ball right now. I'm glad I'm the fullback. There are so many positions in football that I could be but I don't like them. Unfortunately I think I'm going to wind up being second-string center and first-string fullback this year. It's going to be difficult to do both. Hope our center doesn't get hurt.

I would hate to be the center. There's something about being a center that invades your personal space. Like, oh, let's say you better hope you have a straight quarterback when you're center because if he's not, then...ooh...that wouldn't be fun. And he might enjoy it too much.

Now do you understand why I would hate to be the center?

Centers and quarterbacks have to have a special relationship. But I don't mean that kind of special. I mean understand each other special. You got to hand it to centers though. Snap the ball then block the guy...all the time your personal space is being interrupted.

For the first couple seconds, anyway. Then you have to block another 300-lb guy.

Our center really grew up from the first year to the second year. We're only going into our third year as a football team in existence for our small school anyhow. We have a picture from our first year where our center had just snapped the ball and in the picture our quarterback is running backwards with the ball - I think getting ready to pass it, not quite sure - anyway, the defensive lineman is jumping over the line to get to the quarterback and our quarterback's last line of defense, the center.....is in a fetal position.

Needless to say, the quarterback wasn't very happy. But that was our first year. The second year we were second in the state so we really did a lot better.

Why am I talking about centers? I'm a fullback.

For all of you out there who have no clue what a fullback is, the fullback is the person who makes the halfback/tailback great. Because without us, they wouldn't get anywhere. Without us blocking for them most of the time, there would always be a linebacker there to tackle them...instead of just occasionally. I'm a lead blocker most of the time. I run the ball very rarely and when I do get the ball it's mostly short yardage situations.

This is for my mom, who says she can never understand what a safety is. So I will give you what everything is and all the points assigned.

Touchdown: When the guy is in the endzone with the football. The goal. 6 points.

Extra point: after touchdown: you kick basically what would be a field goal, except you only get one point after a touchdown.

Two point conversion: After touchdown, if you for whatever reason decide not to kick the easy extra point, (we don't have a kicker that good and this is where I come into play most of the time) in our league the ball is placed at the five yard line - you have one play to get it into the endzone. If you make it, two points. If not, nothing except the original touchdown. You don't get another one for it.

Field goal: Is kicked between goal posts for three points. Good for those situations when you're on your 4th down and close enough to kick it in - you can get points instead of just giving them back the ball if you can't run it. Also good in overtime IF you have an accurate enough kicker.

Safety (just for mom): If you tackle the other team in their own endzone you get two points and the ball. Put that way, she understands it. I just had to break it down for mom because I explained it just as confusingly as everyone else ever has to her. Or so she says. A small demonstration cleared it right up.

That's about it for points.

If you have any questions, just leave a comment and I'll answer you when I return.